Rebel Love Read online

  "Of course I'll stay." Even the deep sound of his voice soothed me. I turned back to the key. "My apartment is pretty shabby, just to warn you. It's a studio, so I sleep in a sofa bed. And now I wish I'd made that darn bed this morning." I opened the door and turned on the light.

  Joshua stood in the small front room, his long hair crisscrossing his shoulders and looking every bit the hunky rock star with his smoldering blue gaze, tattoos and heavy facial hair. As much as it seemed Emily was always trying to change him, I knew she was head over heels in love with the man. Wild long hair and all. There was no way not to be. It was hard to believe he was standing in the center of my crummy apartment. As much as I thought about him, I was sure I would never see him again.

  "I have some terrible tasting wine in the refrigerator." I shuffled into the kitchen, suddenly the nervous hostess who had an unexpected guest show up at her door.

  "No. If you have some soda, I'm good with a coke."

  "Diet all right?" I opened the refrigerator.

  His nose did that little shuffle to the side that every man did when I offered a diet soda.

  "I'll put lots of ice in the glass, and you won't even miss the sugar." I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured him the soda. "Make yourself comfortable. Sorry, but the couch disappears when I go to sleep."

  "Rebel, stop. You must think I'm living in some grand manor or something." He sat on one side of the bed and scooted back to lean against the couch pillows I had stuffed between the mattress and the back of the couch. It was a makeshift headboard that worked great for reading in bed and watching my tiny shoe box sized television set.

  "I'm just going to go into the bathroom and change. And put my treasured shirt away in its special place."

  Joshua laughed. "You don't really have a special place for that relic?"

  "No." I smiled as I handed him the soda. "Only in my heart." I rushed into the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face and pull on my oversized sleeping t-shirt. It had a picture of Einstein on the front. The wild-haired genius stared back at me from the mirror as I swept a comb through my hair.

  I headed back out to the bed and realized that nothing had changed. I hadn't seen Joshua in a few years, but I still felt comfortable with him, like we'd been meeting up all this time instead of sitting off in our own corners of the world trying to absorb the past.

  I held out my arms to model my shirt. "I bought it with the hopes that I might wake up just a little smarter each morning. And I think it works."

  "Shit, if I get a shirt with Bill Gates on the front, maybe I could wake up a little smarter and a little richer each morning."

  I crawled onto the bed to sit next to Joshua and leaned against my seat cushion headboard. "Where are you living?"

  "My dad's house. I'm slowly bringing it back to its former glory, which isn't saying much."

  I realized so far everything had been about me. Typical Rebecca style, I silently chastised myself and my propensity to be utterly selfish. "Josh, I'm sorry about your dad. For awhile, after the shock and grief lessened, Michelle and I were still sending each other postcards when I was in Europe. She told me about his death."

  I watched Joshua drink his soda and got temporarily distracted by the movement of his throat as he swallowed.

  He put the glass down on the small end table and rolled his head to look at me. "At least I had a few years to prepare for losing him. It's way different when you're not expecting it. I was just mad at myself for not being there more for him at the end. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Drowning my thoughts in whiskey and enough weed to take down an African elephant." He looked down at his hand. The fingers were all there but they had a lot of dips and bends that weren't natural. "Especially after the doctors cut me off the painkillers. I hate to say it, but those damn little pills helped me forget things for awhile. What a fucking sap I was trying to escape everything like that."

  I reached over and covered his hand with mine. I curled my fingers between the scars and twisted knuckles.

  He laughed quietly. "I still remember sitting in the exam room with all the x-rays hanging up around me on those lit up panels. Three doctors in their lab coats scratching their chins and looking unenthusiastic about tackling the mess. One of them, a cocky young guy who looked like he'd never had a hard or hungry day in his life, turned to me with a smile and said, 'I sure hope you're not an artist or musician'."

  "What a jerk? What did you say?"

  “I shook my head and said, ‘Not anymore, I guess.’”

  I lifted his hand to get a closer look. The knuckles were all there, but the middle one stuck up a lot higher than the others. When his fingers curled down, they crossed each other at the tips. "Are you able to play at all?" If I hadn't already poured out every tear in my body I was sure I would have cried again. Anyone who knew Joshua knew that he was an entirely different person with a guitar in his hands. Music flowed from his fingers like it was stored inside of him. I used to love to watch his band practice.

  "Remember when I used to tease you, saying that you looked like you were in a trance when you played?" I asked.

  "I remember."

  I was still holding his hand, but he carried our clutched hands over to his mouth and kissed the back of my knuckles. "I remember everything about that bratty teenager I appropriately nicknamed Rebel." I could still feel the warmth of his kiss on my knuckles as he lowered our hands.

  I yawned and stretched. "After working two jobs, I'm exhausted. I'm kind of glad I don't have to go back to my night job. "

  "You're welcome."

  "Even though I could have handled myself just fine with that jerk."

  "Uh huh."

  I rested my head against his shoulder. "Ol' Joshua, still always coming to my rescue. I've got to work tomorrow, so I won't keep you. I'll just take my pill to sleep." I reached over him to get the pills off my nightstand.

  Joshua wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me around and into his lap. "And why do you need pills to sleep?"

  I leaned my head against his shoulder, immediately relaxing against him. I'd missed so much about him, his voice, the smell of his skin. I couldn't stop myself from reveling in his embrace.

  "I have a hard time falling asleep sometimes. Even when I'm dead tired. Like tonight. I've had the problem for many years." I refused to let my mind go back to that time when my insomnia started. I was with Joshua, safe and sound in my apartment.

  "Let me see if I can help you skip the pill tonight." Joshua's hand smoothed over my back, along the soft cotton fabric of my shirt.

  I purred in satisfaction. He continued caressing me and started humming one of my favorite Nick Cave songs. I'd forgotten how amazing he sounded, even when he was just humming. My body relaxed against him. I nestled closer, trying to breathe in his masculine scent, trying to hear his heartbeat. Each stroke of his hand sent warmth unfurling through me. He wasn't touching my breasts, but my nipples pushed urgently against the t-shirt wanting to be included.

  I arched my back hoping he'd get the hint. Joshua was always good at reading my mind. His beard brushed my face as he kissed my forehead. "My sweet Rebel," he said quietly as he slipped his free hand under my t-shirt. I could feel the scars on his palm as he smoothed it over my breasts. I turned my head and pressed my mouth against the fabric of his shirt and mewled a sound I'd been keeping buried deep in my throat.

  The tiredness in my head and body had heated into a luxurious state of arousal. The pulse that throbbed through me now centered in the heat of my pussy. And this wasn't just a lover or a man I dated between bouts of going crazy from loneliness. This was Joshua.

  "I've daydreamed about this," I said quietly, too heady with the pleasure of it to express the words distinctly. "I've daydreamed about you touching me, Joshua. I should be embarrassed to admit it, but I'm not."

  "I've thought about touching you often. I'd already memorized the feel of your skin and the curves of your body without ever laying my hands on you." Hi
s thumb circled my nipple as I pushed against his hand.

  He began his low, sexy hum again. His hard body vibrated beneath me with each note. His beard brushed against my face as he ran his palm down over my belly and beneath my panties. There was no hesitation. Not from either of us. Even with a tiny voice telling me this wasn't right, it was impossible to turn off the physical stirrings. Especially when everything about it felt so damn right.

  I let my thighs fall open as his fingers slipped between the folds of my pussy. The humming slowed to a halting series of groans as the feel of my pussy seemed to push the breath from him.

  "Fuck, Rebel, why did you stay away from me so long?" His finger impaled me. I arched my back to take it in deeper. I cried out as he thumbed my clit into a heated frenzy.

  I gripped his shirt and rocked against the pressure of his hand. I clamped my thighs around his hand and turned my face against his shirt, drowning in his incredibly familiar scent as my body trembled with an orgasm. He kissed my forehead again as the waves of ecstasy shook me to the core.

  "Why did you stay away? I fucking needed you, Rebel. I needed you then. I need you now." His words floated around me as my pulse and breathing slowed.

  "I needed you too," I whispered as I curled into the safe cradle of his arms and fell asleep.

  Chapter 17

  Joshua

  The front door to the office building opened and Rebecca walked out. She was wearing faded jeans with holes at the knees and a white tank shirt. She looked fucking hot. The weary expression on her face washed into a bright smile when she saw me standing on the sidewalk.

  I held up the brown paper bag. "Peanut butter and jelly. And to complete the happy trigger—" I pulled the bag of potato chips out from behind my back.

  Rebecca released a half squeal, half cheer as she walked briskly toward me. She grabbed the paper bag, opened it and drew in a deep breath. "Heaven. Now if you pull out a package of pink Pop Rocks to go with it, I'll love you forever."

  "Actually—" I fished into my pocket and drew out the slim packet of candy. "I'm going to hold you to that promise."

  "That won't be a problem." She smiled. "I wasn't expecting you. I was already feeling sorry for myself for having to work on Saturday, and I was sure my Saturday night was going to make my morning of work look like a trip to the Bahamas."

  "Well then, consider that comparison null and void because we have PB and J and Pop Rock shooters waiting for us." I glanced back at the insurance building as we walked down the sidewalk. "It looks awfully quiet around here. Were you the only person working?"

  "Yes, which was actually kind of nice. And for an added bonus, I got to dress like a slob. Office managers need to realize that employees would be a lot more productive if they could show up to work in couch potato gear. But that's not why I got behind. I had to take a few afternoons off for training on my new ex-job. And Irene, the boss at this job, is just one step above Trent Vandermeer on the human likability scale."

  "Charming. How do people like that make it to the top?" We reached my car. "Where should we go? I've got the whole day and night off. Unless some major fiasco calls me back to work. Dylan isn't great with fiascos. We could go to Camden Beach, and I'll show you what I've done . . ."

  She was shaking her head at my suggestion before I’d even finished. "I can't go back there, Josh." Her voice was tight. "Too many memories. I hope you don't mind if we just stay in the city."

  I brushed my hand along her arm to let her know I understood completely. "So should we head back to your place with our dinner or maybe the park? Although I forgot to bring drinks, and I guess those are sort of necessary with peanut butter."

  Her smile returned. "I believe a drink is required. Follow me back to my squalid little apartment. I've got milk."

  Chapter 18

  Joshua

  Rebecca hurried in ahead of me. She straightened the sheets and blankets on the sofa bed and balled up a bra that was hanging off the back of the kitchen chair. "Wasn't expecting company." She disappeared into the tiny hallway that led to the bathroom and jammed the bra into one of the built-in drawers.

  I followed her into the postage stamp sized kitchen. She leaned into the refrigerator and as her shirt inched up, exposing some skin, I caught a glimpse of a tattoo on her hip. It was a vine of flowers, and it sent my pulse into overdrive. I'd held Rebecca in my arms for at least an hour the night before, after she had fallen asleep. After bringing her to orgasm with my finger, holding her in my arms, while she wiggled her nose, fluttered her lashes and occasionally repositioned herself had been pure torture. But as badly as I wanted her, I forced myself to go home. I lowered her down onto her mattress, covered her with a blanket and tiptoed out of her apartment. All the while having to fight the terrible urge to run back and climb into bed with her.

  It was Rebecca, I told myself over and over again on the drive home. Then during the long night of thinking about holding her, thinking about how her body reacted to my touch, thinking about the fucking hot sounds she made as she came against my hand, I reminded myself . . . it was Rebecca. And then it occurred to me. It was Rebecca. She was the one person who had always understood me. The one person who I'd thought more about than anyone on earth. The only person I'd ever needed.

  Rebecca put the container of milk on the counter and reached into the cupboard for glasses. I walked behind her and pressed my hands down on the tile, trapping her between the counter and my body. She turned around to face me.

  "I know if we over think this we could find all kinds of reasons for me to walk out of here. But now that you're back in my life, I don't want to over think it or rationalize it. Because there has never been anything rational about my feelings for you, Rebel. But this is all on you. If you want me to leave, then just say the word and I'll go."

  "Oh, Josh." She threw her arms around my neck, and I pulled her against me as our mouths met. Her lips parted, and I deepened my kiss as I gripped her tightly in my embrace.

  Then the urgency took us into clumsy strip mode. I yanked the shirt off of her and tossed it aside. I broke away from the task of unbuttoning her jeans just long enough for her to lift my shirt up and off. She pushed my shorts off next.

  By the time she was down to just a bra and panties, I was nearly out of my fucking mind with wanting her. My cock strained against my boxer briefs. Rebecca threw her hands around my neck, and I lifted her into my arms. Her long legs wrapped around me, and I carried her out to the front room.

  "Hey look, a bed," I muttered against her mouth.

  I lowered her down on the mattress. She bent her long legs at the knees. She bit the teasing smile on her lip as she dropped her knees open. I didn't need any further invite. I crawled onto the bed and yanked her panties down.

  "Fuck, Rebel, I'm going to come just looking at you. I'll get a condom."

  "No," she said abruptly.

  My heart sank. "It's all right. I understand if you've changed your mind."

  She reached up for my arm. "No, I haven't. No condom. I'm on the pill." She tugged me, urging me closer. She curled her hand around the back of my head and tangled her fingers in my hair as she kissed me. Her tongue dragged across my bottom lip. "I don't want there to be anything between us, Josh. Just the two of us, with you buried deep inside of me," she whispered. "That's all I want."

  I kissed her hard. Her words had sent me into overdrive. My cock sprang free as I shoved my underwear down below my hips. I stopped the kisses long enough to watch her face as I pushed into her. I couldn't count how many damn times I'd imagined gazing down at her with her naked beneath me.

  Her long lashes drifted shut. She pressed her head back into the blankets as she lifted her hips up to meet me. Our movements were slow and cautious at first. We were both absorbing the reality of what was happening.

  She opened her green eyes and touched the side of my face. "Is this real, Joshua? Or am I in a dream?"

  "It's both, baby. It's fucking both." I rocked harder against h
er, and she wrapped her legs around me to take me in farther. I had to work hard not to come as her hot pussy milked me toward orgasm.

  I slowed my thrusts to long, sweeping motions.

  "Yes," she sighed, "Yes." She reached down and grabbed my ass with her hands holding me tighter against her as I rocked deep inside of her. Her eyes closed and a pink silky sheen colored her skin as her pussy clenched tightly around me. She cried out as I pumped into her, driving out every sensation, every pulse of pleasure.

  With her body trembling beneath mine, I could no longer hold back. I gripped her harder in my arms as I came deep inside of her.

  I held her as our breathing slowed and the heat swirling around us cooled some. I lowered myself onto the mattress next to her. We stared up at the ceiling in a long stretch of silence.

  "Holy shit, Rebel." My voice came out rougher and lower than I expected.

  She turned to me and draped her arm and leg over my body as she rested her head in the crook of my arm. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."

  Chapter 19

  Rebecca

  We sat in our underwear at my two person kitchen table and ate peanut butter and jelly on a bed of potato chips. Joshua watched in curious silence as I lifted the top slice of bread and sprinkled some Pop Rocks onto the peanut butter layer. I looked up at his amused face.

  "It needed a little kick." I picked up the sandwich and took a bite. "Perfect." I took a gulp of milk and winced at the taste. "Or maybe not. Apparently Pop Rocks and milk are like toothpaste and orange juice. Incompatible."

  Joshua laughed as he leaned back against the creaky wooden chair. I'd found the entire set of table and two chairs at a yard sale. It wasn't until I got it all the way up the stairs, by myself, that I discovered the legs of the table wobbled and the chairs creaked.