Bronx Read online

  Helix hadn't added in his two cents, even though I was sure he had more than two cents to add. He had, however, latched intensely onto the conversation.

  I directed my next comments at both of them. "Why didn't anyone ask why I volunteered to help bring him down the steep mountainside to the helicopter? No one back then said 'hey but you guys had a fist fight so why are you helping him?' Despite our differences, Bulldozer and I were members of the same team." I turned to Kaos because Helix had lifted his phone, pretending not to listen and that was fucking fine with me. "How many fist fights have you gotten into with those boulder sized fists? Tempers flare and fights happen. To all of us." I glanced toward Helix. He was still thumbing across his phone. It was quite an act considering how tightly clamped he held his jaw.

  "You're right, Bronx. Give me some love, eh?" Kaos held out his massive arms for one of his rib crushing bro hugs. I wasn't falling for it. He tended to squeeze so hard, the wind pushed out of you.

  I lifted my hand. "No worries. Not in the mood for broken ribs this morning. I'll blow you a kiss on the way out."

  Kaos left the room. I turned to my locker. One of the pockets on my jumpsuit had a hole that needed mending or I risked losing my trail mix in the wilderness.

  "You know she'll be there, right?" Helix said as I dug out my jumpsuit.

  I shut the locker door and looked at him. I knew who he was talking about, but I wasn't in a mood to get into it with him.

  "If you're talking about Layla, considering she was married to Bulldozer, it's pretty easy to assume she'll be at the memorial." I pretended to not care, but I was battling with my own demons about it. I hadn't seen Layla since the funeral. After Bulldozer's death, she decided to escape the west and his friends and family by accepting a nursing position in New York. A year had passed, but deep down, I knew I badly wanted to see her, just to see how she was doing. After we spoke on the island, we'd sent emails back and forth. She had started the conversation after pulling my email out of the team's directory. She'd sent me helpful links and articles about new, advanced treatment for cancer. Layla and I had seen each other at a few social events between our first meeting, that awesome few minutes on the island, and Bulldozer's funeral. Every time I saw her, it took me weeks to shake her out of my system. And, even then, she still lingered, her smile, her flawless skin, her laugh. As hard as I tried, I could never erase my feelings for her.

  Helix pushed off the locker and walked toward me. "I know that fight was over Layla. Bulldozer didn't like how close you two had become." His tone and words were putting me on the defense. The fight between Bulldozer and me had gotten us both suspended without pay for a month. I wasn't about to take a hit like that again. Two suspensions would be the end of my career.

  "If you've got something to say, just say it. I need to patch my suit." I tried to sidle past him, to let him know I didn't give a shit about his opinion. He moved to block my path.

  I stared at him, all the while reminding myself to keep my cool.

  "Bulldozer said you were trying to make a move on Layla. Not sure if it's a good idea for you to see her at the memorial."

  I looked down, shook my head and raked my fingers through my hair, a stalling tactic to give myself a second to calm down. Then I looked him square in the eyes. Helix and I had been on enough fire fights together to know this kind of shit didn't help enthusiasm for teamwork. I needed to end the bad blood, at least on my side.

  "Look, I know you two were best friends. King and I, we're the same. I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose him, so I'm going to let you be pissed at me. It's fine, especially if it makes you feel better. But Bulldozer and I were on the same team. I helped carry him down that rocky terrain, and with every treacherous step, I told him hang on, Bulldozer. We're not going to lose you. Hang in there, please. Layla and I were friends. She knows a lot about medical advances, and my dad is struggling with cancer. That's all it was." I didn't give a crap about defending myself to Helix, but I sure as fuck hated having to defend Layla. She never did anything wrong, while Bulldozer practically made out with other women right in front of his wife. I could never understand why she put up with it.

  I considered my part of the conversation over. This time he let me pass, but he didn't let me leave the locker room without one more dagger tossed my way.

  "Well, just see that you two keep it about that, about medical advice."

  My entire body tensed. I spun around. "I tried to be diplomatic here, Helix. I know you're hurting but fuck you." He flinched but didn't move toward me. None of us wanted a suspension. "First of all, you're not her keeper. You don't get to control Layla's life just because you were Bulldozer's friend. And secondly, did you ever, in your years of knowing the guy, tell him he should treat his wife better? He used to grab women's asses right in front of her, like he had some kind of special privilege to do what he pleased just because he was fucking Bulldozer."

  His jaw clenched right along with his fists. But, just like me, Helix didn't want to lose his job. Besides that, he knew everything I'd said was true. He might have idolized his buddy, Adam Rafferty, but the guy had some serious flaws. Even his best friend wouldn't be able to see past them. Bulldozer was too in your face about everything he felt entitled to. Even with the most amazing wife waiting for him at home, Bulldozer thought every woman was his for the taking.

  Helix shook off whatever he was about to say. He knew I was right, and there wasn't much he could say to defend it.

  I nodded once and turned to leave.

  "I think this little talk just cemented what I was thinking," he said as I reached the door. "You're just hoping to see Layla at the memorial. Otherwise, you wouldn't bother."

  I walked out and shut the door sharply behind me. This time, I didn't have a retort. This time there was truth in what he said and I knew it. It was hard to convince myself otherwise. I tried to convince Kaos the fight had just been a moment of bad blood between two crew mates, but the truth was—that fight had left a tear in my relationship with Bulldozer and nothing could have repaired it.

  6

  Eighteen months earlier

  Kingston was like a kid waiting for his parents to come down for Christmas. "What the hell, Bronx? The ski lift is going to have a mile long line by the time you get yourself all prettied up for the slopes."

  I finished pulling on my sweater. "I was born pretty, so I don't need to get prettied up for anything. What the hell are you so antsy about? The snow and the mountain aren't going anywhere."

  "I want to set my snowboard down in powder. Not those shitty ice ruts left behind by a million other boarders."

  "How do I look?" I held out my arms and spun around like a model on a runway just to irritate him.

  "Like I could spread you with butter and eat you up. Now, let's go. Oh, and if I happen to spot a hot snow bunny without a partner for the ski lift, then don't feel too slighted if I leave you in the dust."

  I locked the motel door. "Well shit, you said I looked good enough to be slathered in butter."

  "Trust me, I'd much rather slather a snow bunny in butter. Shit, now that's all I'm going to be thinking about. How the fuck am I going to plow the powder now?"

  "Don't blame me. You're the one who brought up butter."

  Kaos and Mixx met us in the hallway. "This guy had to floss his teeth." Kaos tossed his thumb Mixx's direction.

  Mixx shrugged. "Wouldn't hurt you to practice a little more dental care. The women love a white smile." He flashed his pearly whites.

  "The women?" King asked. "Thought you and Sophia were heading to the altar soon."

  Kaos looked pointedly at Mixx, who seemed to avoid making eye contact or answering the question.

  "He dumped her, or maybe she dumped him," Kaos blurted. "Can't get the whole story out of him."

  King laughed. "And the revolving door of Mixx's love life keeps on revolving."

  I patted Mixx's shoulder. "Don't worry. You'll be engaged again by the end of the weekend
."

  All of us had been waiting for a good snow to fulfill our dreams of a snowboarding weekend. Most of us had been working on equipment maintenance, physical training and all the other dull activities that came with winter's reprieve from fire season. I'd spent a good five weeks of the off season working the horses for Vick. Layla's wise words that morning at the lake had proved prophetic. Vick recovered from his surgeries and went right into chemotherapy. Once the chemo had ended, he bounced into a nice period of remission. There was little or no sign of the disease in his body, and while he'd lost a significant amount of weight, he was, mentally, at least his jolly, enjoyable self. After the long bleak period of recovery, my mom was treasuring every lighthearted day she had with him. But running a horse ranch, even with a few hired hands, was becoming too much for Vick. Physically, he was just a shadow of the hulking man we used to see strutting around the pastures with his cowboy boots and hat. Neither of them had said it out loud yet, but I knew the idea of selling the ranch was constantly on their minds. I wasn't ready to accept the grim reality either. I'd spent my early and late teens on the ranch. Next to jumping into fires, mucking stables and breaking colts were the best years of my life.

  We stepped into the elevator. "Did everyone else get here?" I asked.

  "I heard Topper drove in with Bulldozer and Helix," Mixx said. "The wives came too. Guess there was some indecision on that. Apparently, Penelope wasn't sure she could get off work and then she told Helix there was no way he was going without her. She didn't trust him on the slopes with all the hot snowboarders." Mixx was the guy who always knew all the ins and outs of relationships. While his own relationship status was always a three-ring circus, he managed to keep track of what was going on in everyone else's lives. The only thing that interested me in his latest round of gossip was the mention that Bulldozer was bringing Layla. I hadn't seen her since Angus's birthday bash, and I looked forward to talking to her. Hell, who was I kidding? I looked forward to just standing in the same room and skiing on the same mountain as her.

  We reached the lobby. "Hey, there's Mystic with her boyfriend of the month," Mixx said with a laugh.

  I turned to look at him. "That's hilarious coming from you."

  "Hey, guys," Mystic called across the vast lobby. It was one of those typical ski resort lobbies with the massive stone fireplace and sitting area on one side and the check-in desk on the other. A kiosk was set up in the middle serving hot drinks.

  Kat Coltrane, or Mystic as we called her because of her habit of meditating on the way to the site, was the only woman on the jump team. She'd been a track star in high school. Her older brothers were both part of the Midwest smokejumpers and her dad was an operations manager for the whole western network. Today, she had a bright pink beanie pulled down over her spiky white blonde hair. The guy she was with appeared to be a good deal older and not really her type. Not that I knew what her type was, but the guy with the plain gray sweater and brand new ski pants just wasn't it. Mystic, like most of us, had found it hard to have a long term relationship with anyone. It was hard to tell if the stress of the job had something to do with our lack of commitment or if it was just that hard to find the right soul mate. I'd dated a few women since Carly and I had broken up, but real sparks had been few and far between. And as I thought about the lack of sparks, the woman who set off full-fledged fireworks stepped out of the elevator.

  Everything else, even the giant man behind her, her husband, faded into oblivion, and all I could see was Layla. Instantly, I memorized the bright blue band holding back her dark gold hair, the pink parka hiding the amazing curves beneath and the smile, always the smile. Which she favored me with for a fleeting second before anyone could notice the interaction. But I noticed. I noticed fucking big time. Nothing about the rest of the morning would be the same after that secret smile.

  Bulldozer was immediately engaged in a conversation with a few of the other snowboarders, women, of course. Helix led Penelope, his second wife, to the equipment rental room. Layla headed my direction sending my pulse ahead of its usual beat.

  "Ready to go, Bronx?" King asked. "Don't want to keep the snow bunnies waiting."

  "Go ahead. You so much as told me you were going to ditch me for a hot girl, so you might as well start the ditching now."

  King looked past me and nodded. "Right. I see you have more important things to tend to."

  "I'll see you on the slopes," I said curtly.

  "Yep or you'll see my backside cuz I'll be carving it up." He slapped his ass and headed out the door.

  Layla's gloved fingers wrapped around my arm. I was suddenly wishing we were in the dead of summer where gloves were not necessary. I turned to her. Gold stars glittered in her cocoa brown gaze. "How is Vick? I've been meaning to shoot you an email, but we've been so busy at the hospital. The flu season is bad this year."

  I covered her hand on my arm. "I'll bet. Vick is doing great. He signed up for that clinical trial, the one in Seattle. He's on a waiting list, but just signing up improved his mood. Thanks for the link."

  "I hope he gets in. That one has been showing a lot of promise." She glanced around at the cavernous lobby. "This place is packed. I can only assume there will be hundreds of people on the slopes. Almost makes me want to grab a hot coffee and sit in front of that fire instead."

  As badly as I'd been wanting to go snowboarding this winter, the coffee idea sounded way better. Especially if it was with Layla.

  "Come on, Tiger, we're going to hit the slopes." Bulldozer's gaze coldly dropped to our hands, still layered on my arm. He shot me a glare that could not have been misinterpreted if I tried. And I did try.

  Layla cast her smile my direction again. "Are you and King coming with us?"

  "Bronx and King are doing their own thing," Bulldozer said sharply.

  Layla innocently looked my direction to see if that was true.

  "Uh, yeah, King's waiting for me outside. Guess we'll see you guys out there."

  "If not, we'll see you in the lobby for hot cocoa." She managed a slight wink my direction before Bulldozer's big, greedy hand wrapped around her slim arm to lead her away. They walked out, Layla managing one last smile my direction before the glass doors swung shut behind them. The frost left behind by my team mate, the guy I'd faced down treacherous flames with, could not be misread. Bulldozer didn't want me anywhere near Layla. It was pretty fucking rich coming from a guy who couldn't keep his hands off other women, and our exchange, as always, had been totally innocent. I would never think about trying something with Layla, no matter how much I loved her. And I did love her. I was constantly trying to talk myself out of that notion, but all it took was one short meeting in the crowded lobby of a ski lodge and I was right back to square one.

  7

  Kingston was busy nursing a twisted knee with a bag of ice, aspirin and shots of tequila. We'd all been having some good runs, but as the slopes got more crowded, there were accidents. Kingston had smartly taken a hard right turn to avoid hitting a young girl who was tumbling head over board down the slope. In the process, he'd turned his knee in the opposite direction of the force of his body. Now he was paying the price.

  His expression morphed between glum and pain as he nursed the tequila and shifted the ice around to hit the right spot.

  "I'll bet the reception desk has a pair of crutches sitting around for just such an occasion," I suggested. "I know you don't want to miss the dinner." Along with the ski trip, a dinner had been planned for team spirit, camaraderie and all that shit they expected us to maintain.

  "Nah, go eat some ribs and macaroni and cheese and just forget about poor old King stuck in the room with his sad bottle of tequila." He lifted it and shook the contents. "Just remember to bring me a plate." He tried to hoist himself up straighter on the chair and winced at the pain. "Damn tumbling kid."

  "Well, you did the right thing. I was sure I heard the word hero being tossed around."

  He grabbed one of the pillows he had wedged nex
t to him in the chair and hurled it at me. I snatched it out of the air and tossed it back at him. "Keep it. You might need to elevate that leg more. Are you sure you don't need to go to the emergency room? I could call over to Bulldozer's room, ask Layla to come look at it."

  Kingston squinted his eyes at me. "Right, so now you're going to use my misfortune as an excuse to see your crush." He laughed. "One thing was certain, Bulldozer did not want you two on the same slope or lift chair. He made that pretty fucking clear."

  Bulldozer had taken blatantly obvious steps to make sure Layla and I avoided each other. Not that his overt attempts kept me from watching that pink parka everywhere, on the slopes, on the lift, at the benches. I liked to think she wore an easy to spot parka for just that reason, only I'd be deluding myself. This crush, this imaginary thing was one-sided. Layla was Bulldozer's wife, and even though she occasionally favored me with a smile or look that seemed just for me, she had never indicated anything more than friendship. We were two people who had struck up a bond on a quiet island in the middle of a lake.

  The day on the slopes had given me some definite insight into the head of Adam Rafferty. Mr. Overblown Confidence was not so confident when it came to his marriage. He went out of his way to make sure Layla and I stayed a mountain apart when all we'd ever done was exchange friendly chats and emails about cancer research. It said a lot about Bulldozer. I'd considered him to be one of those hard-nosed, self-assured big shots who always got what he wanted and rarely thought about others. But clearly, when it came to Layla, he worried he could lose her. I'd finally found a chink in his armor. For all his flaws, Bulldozer wasn't stupid. He knew he had something irreplaceable.

  "Yeah, I don't know what his problem is. Layla has been helping me with Vick's illness. He's an ass." I needed a topic switch. "Guess I'll head downstairs to the banquet room. You sure you don't want to come, hobble down on some crutches?"