Seth Read online

  “Yeah. She always wears them.”

  “Was she in the service?”

  “Nope. They belonged to her husband. His helicopter went down in the desert.”

  “Shit.” I watched her for a few seconds longer and then, suddenly, felt creepy for doing it. I wrapped up the rest of my sandwich and glimpsed her way once more. She was young and beautiful, and she’d already felt the worst, life had to offer.

  “She is definitely a thirsty man’s cool drink of water,” Rocko said.

  “But I don’t think she realizes it.” I got up from the chair, and it creaked as if giving its final breath.

  “Too busy,” Rocko said. “She works full-time and is trying to get her degree in architecture or anthropology or something like that.”

  “You do realize those are two completely different things? And how the hell do you already know so much about her?”

  “Oh, did I forget to mention that Moondoggie, our boss, is fucking obsessed with her? He found all this shit out about her, like he’s some kind of a stalker.”

  “You mean like us watching her shower off sand?”

  “Yeah, I mean, no. Watching is one thing,” Rocko said. “I mean, we sit and watch beautiful sunsets, but that doesn’t mean we are stalking the sun.”

  “That’s about the stupidest thing you’ve said in a long time, and believe me, there has been some pretty ridiculous shit flying out of your flapping jaws lately. And I’ll fucking eat that bright orange shirt in there if I ever catch you sitting by yourself and enjoying a sunset.”

  Noelle picked up her board and glanced our way. Rocko sucked in a breath as she lifted her hand to wave at him.

  He waved back. “Hey, there,” he called, and then lowered his voice to a muffled mumble, “I love you and I want to you to have my children.” Rocko sighed dejectedly. “I’m just a mere mortal. I know I have no chance, but maybe you can crack through that unbreakable exterior.”

  I headed toward the house. “When it comes to girls like that, I’m just as mortal as the next guy. And if she’s already a widow, then that’s another layer to get through.” As I opened the screen door, I took a quick glance back at her. For a second that was so short I might have even imagined it, she looked over at me. She tucked her board under her arm and headed down the boardwalk. Her big black dog followed closely at her heels.

  Chapter 2

  Noelle

  Duke dropped his squeaky toy on top of my textbook as I highlighted an important phrase. I tossed the toy across the room, and he ran after it. Grace walked out wearing a tiny sundress and her 1960’s white mod style cap.

  “You need a pair of tall, shiny go-go boots and a Beatles record under your arm to go with that cap.” I returned my attention to my book.

  “I know, but boots don’t really work at a beach party. Neither does the hat, I suppose, but too bad. I love this hat.”

  “It’s my favorite too. It goes great with your red hair.” Grace had an impressive collection of vintage hats, and it was rare to see her without one on her head. She insisted that hats were going to come back into style eventually. Her theory was that the shampoo companies had started the war against hats, and she insisted they’d eventually lose. Quirky things like that made me happy to have her as a friend. Grace had started working at Maverick’s Surf Shop a year ago. She’d walked in without a clue about surfboards or retail or anything else, but she had a great laugh and she was easy to talk to. Greg, the owner of the shop and my grandfather-in-law, had given me authority to hire employees. And so Grace joined the shop. We’d moved in together five months ago, and while it hadn’t always been smooth as cream, she kept things fun and my spirits up when I was feeling down. The moments of sadness happened less with each passing month, but the core of pain I felt from losing Hayden, was always lodged in my heart. No amount of time would pull it free.

  Grace dropped to her knees in front of the coffee table. “Elle, are you sure you don’t want to come to the party? Terry handed a flyer to this really hot new guy who moved into that little brown rental house down the path.”

  I leaned back against the couch to give my eyes a rest from the book. “Tall guy with light hair and blue eyes that can look right through you?”

  “That’s him, although, I’ve already got my sights set on the man. Just to make that clear.” She grinned, then her serious face took over, although for Grace that just meant a slight firming of the mouth and a crease of her forehead. She really didn’t have a serious face. “Look, Elle, Hayden’s been gone two years, and he wouldn’t have wanted—”

  “You didn’t know him, Grace. So don’t assume stuff about him. And two years isn’t that long.” I went back to my book, letting her know the conversation was over.

  She sat there for a second, obviously thinking I would change my mind and start talking again. I won the battle of wills.

  She stood with a huff and brushed off her dress. “The party is going to get pretty loud, so I don’t think you’ll get much studying done.” I knew that it frustrated her when I shut her down on this topic, but she’d get over it.

  “I’ll head over to Mavericks to finish this. It’ll be quiet there.”

  “Whatever. But one day, you’ll step past the surf shop and your textbooks and discover there is a whole world out there.”

  I wasn’t actually reading at all, but I didn’t look up from my book until I heard the door shut behind her. Then I slumped back on the couch and shut my eyes. Sometimes they ached, even when there weren’t any tears to go with the pain. Sometimes there was just the ache, and it would start in my eyes and migrate down to my throat and into my chest. That was where it would stay, collected with the rest of the dark, hard moments I’d endured these last two years. I figured, eventually my heart would have no more room. Yet these moments still happened, these moments of helpless despair. They were less severe and happened less often, but they still happened.

  Finals were next week and then I’d be off school for summer. As badly as I wanted to finish my degree, I looked forward to the break from studying. And Grace was right. The party was four houses away, and once it got started, the walls of our tiny rental would shake with the base from the speakers and the loud voices. I shoved the book and highlighter into my backpack. Duke peered up from the toy he was gnawing on. I rarely went anywhere without him. He and I shared a common thread of heartbreak. He’d been Hayden’s best friend and loyal companion, and the dog had been as lost as me when Hayden disappeared from our lives for good.

  “Let’s go, Duke.”

  He grabbed his toy and squeaked it loudly as he trotted behind me to the car.

  ***

  A light was on in the shop. Greg must have decided to do some paperwork. He was Hayden’s grandfather, but he’d raised Hayden since he was ten. Hayden’s mother had given him guardianship. She’d been one of those women who just couldn’t make sense of her life. Hayden’s dad cut out right after his birth, and she’d struggled to keep a roof over her son’s head. Greg took over, and Hayden’s mom ran off, first chance she got. She still called me on Hayden’s birthday and the anniversary of his death. She spent most of the calls crying into the phone, apologizing for doing it all so badly. I guess it made her feel better, but it never made me like her more.

  Greg looked up over his glasses. He’d recently had to start wearing them to see things up close, and I knew it bothered him plenty. He had his long wavy hair tied back, a hairstyle he’d been sporting since he was a teen carving up the waves in surf competitions. Most of the blond had been replaced by silver, but he refused to cut it. The long hair, he said, reminded him of who he was and the life he’d led. The smell of weed lingered in the air around him. His pot habit was another thing that had followed him from his surfing days. In the seventies, he’d been a professional surfer with a well-known name and a nice bunch of high-dollar sponsors, but he’d developed problems in his ears, surfer’s ear they called it. The constant infections and pain became too much to manage.
He gave up competing eventually and took to land to open his surf shop. It turned out he had even more talent designing boards than riding them.

  Years later, he was living vicariously, the glory of that same surfing life, through his grandson. Hayden had shown tons of promise. I could always count on him being late to school on the mornings that surf was good. But Hayden was always restless for adventure, and when his friends enlisted in the army, he gave up the wet suit for fatigues.

  “Elle, what are you doing here? Can’t keep you away from work. Shouldn’t you be out having fun with friends?” I held up my backpack. Duke raced over to him, and Greg pulled a treat from his top drawer.

  “Studying on a Friday night?” He shook his head.

  “Yes, I’m a pathetic school nerd, I know. I was going to make some coffee. My art history book is extremely dull, and I need a burst of caffeine.”

  “Shit, art history? Just the name of the subject is putting me to sleep.” He looked down at the catalog he had splayed on his desk. “Looking at some boat parts, of course. I’m thinking I might start spending more time working on the boat and less time here in the shop. You’ve got things under control.” He chuckled. “Hell, who am I kidding? You run this place way better than me. I’ll come in to work on boards, but I want to get that boat finished this summer. Maybe we could take a trip to Catalina or something.”

  A few months before Hayden left on his last tour of duty, he’d helped his grandfather find a vintage boat to restore. They’d found the old Lyman Islander languishing in a marina a hundred miles down the coast. They’d hauled it home and made big plans to restore it together. But those plans had been interrupted.

  “I think that’s a great idea, Greg. I’ll miss you around here, but I think it would be good for you to get away sometimes.”

  He reached into his drawer again. “Look what I found when I was going through the file cabinet.” He held a picture up.

  I took hold of it, and the earlier ache in my eyes returned. Hayden and I were standing on the beach in front of his new board. His blue eyes sparkled out at me and I ran my thumb over the photo, a habit I had whenever I looked at a picture of him, as if I could feel something through the photo, like if I touched it enough I could bring back the memory of what it was like to touch him. I smiled. “He was so happy that day. I think he loved that board more than me.”

  “Nonsense, Elle. He loved you more than anything.”

  “I know, Greg. I’m kidding.” I handed him back the picture.

  He grinned at it once more before tucking it into his desk drawer. He took off his glasses and peered up at me with dark blue eyes that were fading to gray a little more each day. “I’m worried about you, Elle.”

  I cut him off just as I’d done to Grace. “I’m fine. There is nothing to worry about. I just need time. I’ll make that coffee.”

  Chapter 3

  Seth

  A long, naked leg draped across mine, and a soft sigh fluttered up from the pillow next to me, assuring me that I hadn’t kept my selfmade promise to not end the evening drunk and in a girl’s bed. By the time Rocko and I had arrived at the beach party, the beer was flowing freely and every piece of the wicker furniture already had a suntanned girl draped across it. As Rocko handed me my first plastic cup of foam, I’d reminded myself that I had a long summer ahead of me, and I should take it slow. Maybe it was just because I was getting older, or maybe it was because my brothers, Luke and Gage, had both given up the single life and attached themselves to a significant other. I wasn’t completely sure why, but that reality gnawed at me. While that couple’s lifestyle had always left a bitter taste in my mouth, I had to admit, the other two Barringer brothers seemed pretty fucking happy.

  The lamps on the bike path pushed just enough light into the room to let me see my way around. The last half of the evening had been a blur, but I remembered following the little red head who’d invited us to the party, to her house. Apparently, I’d done everything I’d warned myself not to do, and now I’d slept with her. And she lived close by. Served me right for being such an ass.

  I gently removed her leg and lowered my feet to the ground. Conveniently, my clothes were in a pile right next to the bed. I slid on my shorts without a sound, a skill that I was good at. Sadly, I’d perfected the act of getting out of a girl’s bedroom before she woke. I was the fucking callous asshole Rocko had described. I just hated admitting it to myself. It was an ugly habit, but I hadn’t discovered a way to break the cycle. Maybe someday, I’d grow up.

  As I groped around for my shoes, my toe smacked the edge of her dresser. I sucked in a breath and held in a string of cuss words. The girl stretched with a soft mewling sound and then turned onto her stomach. I opened the bedroom door and crept out into the dark hallway. The apartment was quiet with only a dim light coming from the kitchen. I made it to the front door without kicking any more furniture.

  I tucked my shirt and shoes under my arm and reached for the deadbolt. It wouldn’t budge. I twisted and pulled at the brass knob for several seconds.

  “You have to jiggle the lock as you’re turning it.”

  I spun around. The girl was standing under the flickering fluorescent light of the tiny kitchen, leaning over a book and a bowl of cereal. Her smooth black hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she was wearing a tight pink t-shirt. It took a second for my eyes to adjust. It was Noelle. My beer hazed head allowed some of the day to come back to me, especially the part where I’d unzipped her wet suit. Rocko had mentioned that she was Grace’s roommate. Duke, the dog who’d shared my lunch, was stretched out on the floor of the kitchen behind her.

  Noelle’s brown eyes glittered with humor, and she was forcing back a smile. And suddenly, more than ever, I wished I’d stuck to my earlier resolve.

  She couldn’t hold the smile back any longer. Her lips turned up on one side and a deep dimple creased her cheek. “Boy, you were really in a hurry. Grace should have warned you about the door.”

  “Grace?” I asked.

  She looked toward the bedroom I’d just crept from and shook her head. “Jeez, you really are an asshole. But don’t worry about it. I’m sure she’ll get over it. Even though she has some major issues with men deserting her because her dad left them when she was ten. I’m sure she’ll just double up on her Prozac for a week, and she’ll be fine.”

  I stood there in stunned silence, feeling suddenly like the worst guy on earth, and not because of the girl in the bedroom but because of the shitty impression I’d just made on the girl standing over the kitchen counter.

  She chewed a spoonful of cereal and covered her mouth to avoid spitting it out with laughter. “I’m kidding. Grace’s dad is still around, and my wild roommate won’t even remember you were in her bed in the morning. So don’t flatter yourself.”

  I was getting annihilated, and somehow it didn’t bother me enough to walk out the door. I stepped closer to the counter. Her eyes dropped to my naked chest for a second and then her scrutinizing gaze lifted to my face.

  “You’re definitely of a higher quality than most of the guys Grace brings home.” She motioned her head toward the bedroom again. “You know, the girl in the bed you just left.”

  “Yeah, I know. The girl with the sexy, gritty laugh who collects vintage hats.”

  Her plump bottom lip dropped open. My confidence was finding its way back. “I always remember unique things about people I meet. Helps me know them.” I glanced at the book on the counter. “Is that one of those fifty shades books?” In one second I’d erased the flicker of admiration in her expression.

  “Yeah, of course, because that’s the only thing we girls read.” She lifted the book. “It’s advanced microbiology.” She leaned over the counter and tugged her t-shirt down to expose some cleavage. “And it’s making me so hot,” she said seductively.

  I stared at her. “I might be an asshole, but you’re kind of a bitch.” My comment got more reaction than I’d expected. “Sorry, I just broke one of my o
wn rules of never calling any girl a bitch. You’re not a bitch. You’re obviously extremely smart, and I’m just an idiot skulking out of your apartment with my shoes and shirt.”

  Her long black lashes dropped, and she fingered the corner of her textbook. “I’ve read them,” she said quietly.

  “What?”

  She lifted her gaze and smiled weakly. “I’ve read those books. Just thought I should confess that.”

  I looked back down at the book on the counter. “Are you studying to become a scientist?”

  “A marine biologist,” she answered. “I love the ocean, so I figured it was perfect for me.”

  “Have to agree. The ocean is a pretty cool place.” I nodded a goodbye and turned around to leave.

  “So, what characteristic are you going to remember about me, or is it only girls you’ve slept with?”

  I turned back and faced her. There were too many to catalogue. “Those dimples are memorable,” I said quietly. Her smile faded as she gazed back at me. “But I think the thing I’ll remember you by the most is that unexplained sadness in your eyes. Even with that smile shining back at me, you look a little lost.” I turned back to the door, jiggled the lock and opened it.

  Chapter 4

  Noelle

  My bathroom door opened, and I looked past my shower curtain. Grace’s hair was standing in every direction, and her mascara was halfway down her cheeks. “That’s a nice look. If you want to ride with me, you’d better hurry.” I shut the shower curtain.

  “Can I borrow some aspirin?” The medicine cabinet squeaked open before I could answer.

  “I take it the party was a success?” I asked over the running water.

  “I told myself I wasn’t going to get insanely drunk but then this amazing guy showed up. The one I’d mentioned earlier.” Her yawn echoed off the bathroom tile. “Shit, in fact, he was almost unreal. Maybe I just imagined the whole thing.” The faucet turned on, and the pressure in the shower dropped immediately.