Bronx Read online

  He motioned toward the waiting audience. "Go ahead but make it fast. We're already behind."

  I stood at the front of the room and suddenly knew what Mr. Robertson, the most hated teacher in my high school, felt like. "If you guys could refrain from shooting spit balls at me, I'll make this short and sweet. Well, short anyhow." I glanced at Kingston for a dose of courage, but he looked confused as hell about why I would voluntarily put myself up in front of the firing squad.

  "Right, so, apparently I'm public enemy number one because I did this crazy fucked up thing. I fell in love."

  Helix scoffed, slumped down and stretched out his legs. "This should be entertaining."

  "Sharpe," Chuck reprimanded Helix brusquely. "If you've got a problem with this, you and I can have a nice little chat in my office."

  Helix sat up. "No, sir. I'm fine." He put on a smile that reminded me of one of those painted on creepy clown smiles.

  I took a breath. "I fell in love, and yes, I fell in love with Layla Rafferty long before Bulldozer—" I looked down and shook my head. "Anyhow. Layla helped me when I was reeling about my dad's cancer diagnosis, and well—you guys know her. She's amazing. At that time we were just friends. We talked to each other through emails. I'd be happy to share those with every one of you. The main context of every email was about cancer. So if that makes us monsters, then so be it. Bulldozer's been gone for more than a year. We all miss him"—I looked straight at Helix—"yes, that includes me. Bulldozer was, he was the life of the party. It was never a dull minute with that guy, and he was a helluva a firefighter. I always felt proud to be working alongside him on a fire line." I forged ahead even with the frosty scowls directed at me. "Layla and I started seeing each other, and I can tell you it was heading in the right direction. I've never been as happy and Layla was too. But the video affected her, just as it was intended to do." I looked pointedly at Helix. He had his arms crossed hard and his jaw set firmly. "We've decided not to see each other, and frankly, my heart is irreparably damaged. Just like we hear from Mixx every Monday after a long weekend, 'for me, she's the one'." Dry chuckles made their way around the tables. Helix was not amused. "Only for me, she really is the one. And now she's the one who got away. Now, all of you know me, and you know me well. I'm still here to do one thing, be the best fucking firefighter I can be. I'll watch your backs, just like you watch mine. But if you guys think I'm too much of a fuck up, a fuck up for following my heart to Layla Rafferty, then I'll put in for a transfer to the Montana base."

  A few grumbles made their way around the room but the atmosphere was still tense. Helix sat silently, arms crossed and nostrils lightly flared. It seemed my speech was making him more resolved to hate me.

  "One more thing before Chuck kicks me off center stage." I looked directly at Helix. "I know you think you're protecting Layla, doing what your best friend asked, but sending out that video and the news that Layla and I were seeing each other caused a pretty nasty backlash online. She called me this morning." He sat up a little straighter. "That's right, she called me. She's getting trolled with all kinds of hateful comments. She had to turn off her social media accounts. So your plan did the opposite. I'm going to leave that to you to take care of, and I'm going to assume none of that nastiness came from anyone in this room."

  Chuck stepped forward. "If I find out any of you have been harassing Mrs. Rafferty online or elsewhere, there will be hell to pay."

  "That's all I've got to say. I yield the floor to the honorable Captain Coltrane."

  "Yeah, yeah smart ass. Sit down already," Chuck chided. "All right, in front of you is the newest list of safety protocols. We're going to go through each one."

  Grumbles of disappointment rolled around the tables. I sat down at the table with Kingston, Angus and Kaos. Only King, with a faint chin life, showed approval for what I'd said. Kaos avoided looking at me and Angus's scowl remained. It made sense. He and Bulldozer got along well. They hung out, even after work. Kingston had never left my side, a true friend. I'd meant what I said about the transfer and just maybe that was going to be my best option. A good smokejumping team required mutual trust and respect. If I'd lost that, then it would be time to move to another crew. It might even help me forget the main source for the knot in my gut, losing Layla.

  28

  The high school style shunning continued the next day. I'd hoped my speech would soften up at least my closest buddies, Kaos and Angus but they seemed determined to let me know I was a fucking traitor. Even Mixx, who generally stayed out of any kind of drama, seemed to be avoiding me.

  I slammed shut my locker. Chuck had sensed that tensions were still high and made us do another five mile run. My angry coworkers were blaming that on me as well. Angus and Mixx walked out of the locker room, leaving only Kingston and me.

  "Like being in fucking high school," I noted.

  Kingston was stuck squarely in the middle of it all, trying to stay loyal to me and at the same time keeping ties with everyone else. He had been unusually quiet, even through the run where he normally cussed at every flying insect or ankle wrenching rock.

  "You don't have to hang with me, King. I appreciate your—"

  "I've been thinking—" King sat on the bench. He rubbed his wet hair with a towel and dropped it around his shoulders. "I've been trying to put myself in Helix's shoes, you know? My dad always used to preach about having empathy for others, you know sticking yourself into someone else's situation to really understand their feelings." He laughed dryly. "Pretty rich from the guy who ignored his wife when she was sick with depression but that's whatever." He peered up at me. "If you'd had an amazing wife like Layla and you had died out on the mountainside and then Helix swept in to start dating her"—he pulled his gaze away and rubbed his head again, even though his short hair was mostly dry—"I'd be pissed, Bronx. That's all I'm saying. I know you two were happy together and it sucks that you can't stay that way but—" He looked up at me again. "It's better this way, you know?"

  "Better for everyone else," I muttered.

  "You'll get past this," Kingston added. "Hey, you didn't mean what you said yesterday, did you? You're not seriously thinking about putting in for a transfer, are you?"

  "Can't work on a team where everyone hates me, can I?" I looked down at him. "It's not what I want but if people can't get past this, then I think it's the best thing to do."

  "Well fuck them. What about me? We joined together. Crew mates for life, remember?"

  "It's not what I want, King—"

  Chuck sounded the bell to let us know it was time to meet outside.

  Kingston shook his head. Unfortunately I wasn't entirely sure what to say to him. He'd stood by my side and here I was planning to abandon him. That was about as fucked up as things could be.

  Chuck was standing outside with a stack of equipment, shovels, chainsaws and axes. We'd already done an equipment cleaning and inspection. Something told me we weren't going to love what was coming next.

  "It's come to my attention that our own beloved base camp needs mitigation. It would be pretty fucking embarrassing to have the base camp for the Fire Warriors of the West burn down due to wildfire." Chuck squinted up into the semi-cloudy sky. "Thunder showers are expected later this afternoon which means you people need to move your asses." He lifted his clipboard. "Kilmer, Devlin and McCabe, you take the east slope that runs along the entrance. And I want it clipped as short as Bristow's buzz cut."

  Kaos and Angus glanced my direction with scowls. I ignored them. Normally, we would have been just fine together on a project but they were still holding sticks up their asses. The three of us trudged up to the tool supply and took what we needed to remove weeds and unruly brush from the east slope. King ended up with Topper and Helix on the west slope. Hopefully Helix wouldn't give him too hard of a time.

  Angus and Kaos marched ahead of me. Mitigation wasn't new to any of us and we didn't need much communication to get the job done. They got to work with chainsaws on some of t
he taller shrubs near the entrance and I grabbed a shovel and ax to chop out the tall weeds.

  We were chewing up the brittle landscape like termites in an old wood house. A breeze was letting us know that the light overhead clouds were being pushed aside for those late afternoon thunderstorms. The wind was just cool enough to dry the sweat from my brow and back. I hacked out a particularly stubborn weed that was the size of a beach ball when I felt a large shadow fall over me.

  I peered up as Kaos glared down at me. He'd dropped the chainsaw over his shoulder like it was a mere golf club. "So Angus and I were talking."

  They'd been such assholes for the last few days, it was hard not to return the attitude. "Well, I'm happy for the both of you."

  Kaos shifted the chainsaw to rest tip first on the ground. He'd swung it just wide enough to make me flinch. His booming laugh scared birds out of a nearby tree. "What'd you think I was going to go all chainsaw massacre on you or something? Jeez, you just dated another guy's wife. You didn't kill my dog or anything like that." Angus had heard the laugh and joined us.

  Kaos had to first relay the story of my flinching which gave Angus a good laugh too.

  "So glad I could entertain you both but when Big Foot here is swinging motorized blades my way, I flinch. What do you two want anyhow? Can't take back what happened so if you two can't deal with it, then fuck off."

  "Shit, Bronx, you idiot—" Angus reached out to slap my head but I ducked out of the way. "We're over here to let you know that neither of us wants you to transfer out of base camp. We're a team, all of us and we've already lost one—we don't need to lose another."

  I stuck my shovel in the ground and leaned an elbow on it. "If that's the Kaos and Angus version of an apology then I'll take it."

  "Never said anything about an apology," Kaos picked up his chainsaw. "What you did was wrong. Just don't want you to leave."

  "Gosh how can I possibly go with such warm sentiments from two guys who I thought were my friends. I didn't do anything wrong, just for the record."

  Kaos turned to leave but Angus stuck around. "Look, Bronx, you've broken it off with Layla and I'm sorry if you're torn up about it. But it was the right thing to do. And don't worry, eventually everyone else will come around too. We've all got history together, good history and some bad, but it's what holds us together. It makes us a team."

  Fifteen yards away, Kaos started up the chainsaw. I turned to Angus and had to speak louder to be heard over the buzz of the saw.

  "Yeah, I get all that but you guys brush this thing off like it was a fling, like one of your one-night-stands. It was more than that. I just need you to know that. Layla and I are going our separate ways, because apparently it just wasn't in the fucking stars for us, but I'm wrecked about it. Just thought you should know that."

  Angus adjusted his hat to shade his eyes more. "Got it. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you're hurting. Now I've got to return to the shrubs before Big Foot takes out the entire landscape with his chainsaw."

  "He does love that chainsaw," I quipped as I yanked my shovel from the ground.

  29

  "Here's to Thursday nights." Kingston lifted his mug of beer. I couldn't just leave him hanging, so I joined in the inane toast and clinked my mug against his. "Don't know about you but I'm just as glad to be done with this week of training. Nothing more boring than hearing about new protocols and safety procedures. Still can't believe Chuck made us run that fucking hill every morning. Guess we have you to thank for that. He said he thought we were paying better attention after that first run and decided to make it a regular thing. Hopefully, he'll forget about the regular thing next year when we return to base camp."

  I laughed. "That had to be the longest damn toast I've ever had to listen to." I took a swig of beer and Kingston followed. He looked pointedly over the rim of his cup and had hardly swallowed when he jumped right into talking.

  "Well, look who just walked in behind Angus and Kaos."

  I glanced toward the entrance. Angus had already veered off to talk to a couple of women at the bar. Kaos blocked everything else behind him, but when he followed Angus to the bar, it was hard to miss Helix strolling in. It had taken a long week of work but, in the end, the rest of the crew had come around. Slowly, things got back to normal. I was no longer being scowled at or refused a seat at a table. There had only been one holdout on normalcy, and that was Helix. It seemed he was going to hold a grudge no matter what I did. He was alone, no best buddy with him like me.

  In that respect, I felt sorry for the guy. "He's out drinking without the wife again," I noted. "Nothing worse than being judged by someone who needs some serious judging himself."

  Kingston laughed, nearly spitting out his next gulp of beer. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "What the fuck are you saying over there? You sound like some old hen gossiping after church."

  "Just saying, Mr. High and Mighty never takes his wife out to the bar." I nodded and pointed to myself. "And yes I hear it now, the gossipy hen voice."

  "Last I heard, Penelope is pregnant, and she's always complaining or whining about something." King put down his drink. "Great now you've pulled me into your little knitting circle. That's my cue to get up and mingle, and by mingle, I mean pull out the ole charm card on that cute, little brunette near the dance floor."

  "Yeah, good luck." I lifted my mug, but King was already halfway across the floor.

  Angus and Kaos clamored to the table. With Angus's loud voice and Kaos's impossible size, they never entered a bar or place without quickly becoming the center of attention. This time the focus was from three women at the next table.

  "Bronx, my boy," Angus said loudly to compete with the music, but it was hardly necessary with his usual megaphone voice. "Kaos and I were just saying that we need to get you hooked up with some bar beauty. That's our mission tonight." As he spoke, he surveyed the room. His gaze landed on the table with three women. He made a show of pointing to each of us, then he pointed at them and showed them three fingers.

  "You are such a massive ass," Kaos said. The entire table shook as he settled his hulking frame down on a chair.

  "Oh yeah? Well, it's working." Angus got up to help them move chairs. I was still in that state of mind where I was convinced that the only woman for me was Layla. The heartache was still too fresh to consider anyone else. Kingston had persuaded me that I just needed to get out and meet people, but that was always the same tired advice given to any person depressed about a relationship. It never worked if you were trying too hard or still too broken up about someone else. And broken up was a light phrase for what I was feeling. It didn't help much that I was still continuing the charade with my parents. They'd been texting everyday to let me know how fond they were of Layla. I hated lying to them, but they were so damn happy about my relationship, I hadn't worked up the courage to tell them the truth. Eventually, I would have to confess. Especially since they were begging me to bring her to Christmas at the ranch.

  "Hi, guys." The woman wore black framed glasses that highlighted her big blue eyes. She glanced around the table. I smiled to myself thinking that the women check out the crop choices just like the men. In fact, it seemed on their short journey to the table, they'd already staked their claims. While I saw the woman with glasses as more Kaos's type, she sat herself down next to Angus. The seemingly quietest of the trio, a red head with brown eyes and a sexy spray of freckles put her chair next to me, leaving Kaos with a curvy blonde. I caught him taking a longing glance at the woman with glasses before he settled back to chat with the blonde.

  "I'm Rita," the red head said, sticking out her small hand.

  I shook it. "Jack. Nice to meet you." The peripheral noises in the bar, the music, the glasses clinking, the voices and laughter made it more feasible to talk to the person closest to you.

  "So, what do you guys do?" Rita asked. "Are you guys just friends, or do you work together?"

  "Both. How about you and your friends?" I asked, p
retending to be interested. I had no intention of being rude, but my enthusiasm for being social was at an all time low. I'd come to the bar to keep Kingston from bugging me about always staying home and to have a cold beer. But I hadn't seen myself making new friends or staying past the first beer.

  "Sherry and I"—she pointed to the blonde—"are cousins, and Nell is Sherry's coworker at a bank. I work in a hospital."

  I sat up with a little more interest. "Are you a nurse or doctor?"

  "I work in the hospital pharmacy."

  I nodded and rested back. I was only interested, in case, by some far off chance, she knew Layla. That way I could reasonably ask about her. After her distressed call about her social media blowing up with angry messages, she sent a text the next day letting me know that things had cooled down, and she was no longer perceived as a pariah—her words. I'd had a good laugh about her text, and I was relieved to hear the whole mess had already calmed. I'd also gotten it into my head that it might be one of the last texts I received from her. There just wasn't any way to be casual friends with the woman I considered my soul mate. I hadn't heard from her the rest of the week. I was as sad as I was thankful. Hearing from her always rekindled everything I felt about her. At the same time, not hearing from her left a gaping hole in my life.

  Rita was smiling at me expectantly. Apparently, she'd asked a question, and like those days in class when you were caught in a daydream by the teacher, I tried to search for some kind of answer. But since, like those times in class, I had no idea what Rita had asked, I used the noise as an excuse.

  I touched my ear. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

  She leaned closer. "I asked if you wanted to dance." She waved her arm toward Angus and her friend who were now making their way to the cramped dance floor. Sitting and making small talk while nursing a beer was one thing but dancing took the socializing to a whole new level.

  I shook my head. "Sorry, not really in the mood. Please don't let me stop you from dancing. I'm sure there are more willing partners out there."